Getting Your Bird to Trust You

Building A Positive Relationship

by Ann Brooks

Any relationship takes work. It also requires patience, trust, responsibility for our own behavior, and a willingness to consider the other’s needs and wants. These are especially important when connecting with our naturally cautious bird friends.
Here are some essential concepts for how to build a positive relationship, and some specific tips that might help.

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Appropriate expectations

What kind of relationship do you want? Does it work for the bird too? It takes two to make a relationship.
Are you expecting the perfect bird? The one that gets along with everyone, never bites when you try to touch, not too noisy, not too expensive, and does what you want any time? Maybe your bird would like someone that appreciates his/her need for personal space, respect, natural noisy and messy behavior, and social choices? Try to look at the world from your parrot’s point of view.
Trust is the most important ingredient. Some birds are immediately trusting, others may take hours, days, weeks, months, or even years. When our interactions are positive and not coercive, we are investing in a future companionship that will be more solid and rewarding. You may need to be more patient, but don’t worry, the dividends are magic!
While a bird will not forget her past experiences, she is usually more interested in what is happening now. We can avoid labeling our birds based on their past or how we expect them to act because of it. Just focus on providing a quality life based on respect and a positive environment, and follow the cues your bird gives.

Positive physical interaction

Birds appreciate personal space, just like we do. How would you feel if someone came up and unexpectedly tried to touch you? Your response might be anger (bite!), fear (run away or bite!), or submission (a one-way oppressed relationship). Be attentive to your bird’s body language and what she is trying to tell you.
As you approach a bird, consider putting your hands behind your back and keep those wiggly fingers out of the interaction. Go slowly, so your speed is not threatening. Back away as soon as you witness any discomfort. Show your bird that he can trust you not to push, force, and cause unease.
You’re not your bird’s mate, you are friends. Touching below the neck gives sexy signals, and your bird may respond by demanding more from you or harming others in the family.

Bites are our responsibility

This blue-crowned conure steps onto a rope perch instead of a hand.

Avoid touching a bird when their body language says “not now.” If a bird is leaning away, lunging, or leaning forward with an open beak, then they are NOT comfortable. You are too close or moving too fast. Back away. Put your hands behind your back. Move slower. Don’t push or expect to pick up your bird only on your terms.
If you earn a bite, try to remember what happened and avoid repeating that behavior. If you continue the same approach, and receive a bite again, then your bird’s future first response will tend to be a bite. That’s not good for either of you! They are only trying to communicate their distress to you.
Teach your bird to step onto a rope perch or non-threatening wood perch. This is a great skill for a bird to have. Some birds are afraid of objects approaching them, so teach this behavior at the bird’s pace, and use a special reward just for this purpose.
Read more about avoiding bites, in "Stop the Biting" by Jenny Drummey, author of Biting Matters.

A good relationship involves more than behavior

Make sure your bird has lots of physical space for action and exercise. This means providing a cage that is WIDE (not high), and other play areas that provide “places to go and things to do.” A superhighway of perches to move around, swing, and play will help your bird to thrive.
Ensure your bird has healthy food. Good wholesome, real nutrition means fresh veggies, fruits, healthy grains, legumes, pellets, and Lafeber products like Nutriberries. It absolutely does not mean pasta, pizza, bread, peanuts, or seeds – which will slowly kill your bird and definitely affect their behavior.
Provide enrichment opportunities for your bird, which includes fun activities and entertainment. There can never be too many toys, play stations, or new things to do. Life can be very boring for super smart parrots. Keep things intriguing, challenging, and fun for you both. Find joy in your relationship, and make sure your bird finds joy, too!